My previous coaching experience is limited to a public intrasquad scrimmage by the Morehead State University basketball team in 1980. It was a publicity gimmick dreamed up by Wayne Martin, then the Eagles’ head coach, and I was happy to participate because it gave me the chance to do my imitations of Joe B. Hall, Denny Crum, and Bob Knight.

I wore a checkered sport coat, as Knight was doing in those pre-sweater days at Indiana. I clutched a rolled-up program as Crum always did at Louisville. I threw my arms in the air whenever a call when against my team, as Hall was wont to do on the sidelines at the University of Kentucky.

It all went for naught. My team lost to one coached by Mike Johnson of the Lexington Herald-Leader, who didn’t do much of anything that I could see except smile every time his team scored a basket. So after the game I announced my retirement from coaching – a vow I’ve kept until now.

Yes, those rumors are true so all of you can just stop calling the radio shows. I’m unretiring to coach the Media All-Stars against the always-dangerous Metro Council Deliberators. The game will be played at 1:30 p.m. on Saturday, Sept. 13, at the Hoops basketball complex near Sam’s Club off Blankenbaker Lane.

Our contest will be a preliminary to the seventh annual Patriot Game between the Metro Police and the Metro Fire Department. That game will start at approximately 2:30 p.m., providing that the excitement over our contest doesn’t send the crowd into such a frenzy that the police will be needed for riot control. I don’t think that will happen, but, hey, you never know what those wild and crazy Metro Council folks will do next.

All proceeds the Patriot Game will go to benefit The Healing Place, at which – in the interest of full disclosure – I am a proud member of the board. If you don’t know about The Healing Place, you should. It has become a nationally respected model for the care and treatment of the homeless and addicted.

Get your tickets by calling the Healing Place at 585-4848.

 Read About Reed’s Roster After the Jump: 

In addition to the two games – which I’m sure ESPN will identify as “Instant Classics” and put on one of its networks – there will a be a dance-team contest and lots of games and fun stuff for kids.

It all got started yesterday.

At a press conference at Fourth Street Live, Fire Chief Gregory Frederick made a dramatic entrance by rappelling down the side of a six-story building. He looked sort of like a Spider Man in boots. The crowd watched in slack-jawed wonderment, most no doubt thinking, as was I, “Wow, what a whack job!”

Police Chief Robert White, whose arrival in a patrol car was relatively modest, was unimpressed. In fact, he accused the Fire Chief of resorting to showboating in order to detract attention from the hosing the Fireman received from the Police in last year’s Patriot Game.

The Media-Metro Council game was barely mentioned, but that was fine because it meant I didn’t have to reveal any of my plans. Right now, however, I want to put to rest those ugly rumors that I’m trying to rally the pro-tobacco crowd to come out and boo the Metro Council for making our city smoke-free.  That’s the sort of dirty trick a Karl Rove would do, and I put Karl Rove in the same category as, oh, the cockroach family.

To put a positive spin on it, and we all know how much coaches like to do that, my recruiting is coming along nicely. Only yesterday I received a verbal commitment from Terry Meiners of WHAS Radio, a five-star recruit if there ever was one.

Since Meiners will arrive late due to another commitment, I will bring him off the bench, using him to generate “Instant offense” because, well, being offensive is what Terry does best. If we play man-to-man, I’ll probably put him on Jim King, the Metro Council chairperson, who is currently involved in a public spat with a neighbor when he’s not working for his daughter’s judicial campaign.

At the moment, my starting lineup is a little shaky. I have Tony Vanetti of the “Afternoon Underdogs” on 790 WKRD at pointless guard, Kent “The Enforcer” Taylor of WAVE3 at slow forward, and editor Stephen George of LEO at liberal guard. It will be up to George to force the action to the left, something the Metro Council usually is loath to do.

I’m not sure what to do with Cary Stemle, who went to work for Bruce Lunsford’s U.S. Senate campaign soon after his unfortunate and unfair dismissal by LEO’s new owner. I may use him to slap Lunsford bumper stickers on the backs of unsuspecting Republicans as they lumber down the floor.

Thank heavens, my recruiting isn’t done. Since I’m not bound by NCAA rules, I can tell you that I’m pulling all the stops to get Scott Padgett, co-host of the “Dave & Scott” show from 8 to 10 a.m. on the local ESPN station, 93.9 “The Ticket.”

The 6-foot-9 Padgett, of course, was a star on the University’s of Kentucky’s 1998 NCAA championship team before he went on to a nice career in the NBA. But now he is a legitimate member of the local media and, therefore, eligible to play for my team, unless, of course, the Metro Council passes some kind of law against him between now and game day.

I need Padgett, so I urge all fans of the local media – both of you – to bombard his radio show with e-mails and calls, urging him to join our case. I can’t offer him anything more than a hot dog, a soft drink, and all the PT he wants. I’m just hoping the other side doesn’t bring in former State Transportation Cabinet Secretary Bill Nighbert to bribe – ah, recruit — him not to play for us.

I have some other prospects in mind. I can see Will Wolford and Bob Hill playing alongside Padgett in my front line. I can see Lachlan McLane doing a great imitation of his all-time favorite player, Duke’s Bobby Hurley. I can see Tony Cruise talking circles around anybody the Council puts on him.

But recruiting is tough. I may not know my roster until tipoff time. I’m just hoping that I can convince some radio station to give Derrick Caracter an internship between now and Sept. 13.